Soccer parents love to fantasize. They love to fantasize while at work. They love to fantasize when they are bored. They even love to fantasize when they are watching a soccer game. You might be surprised what they fantasize about:
- Parents love to see their child score the winning goal with 10 seconds left in the game.
- They fantasize about their young soccer player receiving a college scholarship.
- They fantasize about their young soccer player winning the World Cup.
These are great fantasies. It is important to dream about success. But it isn’t necessary to live through your child’s soccer successes or shortcomings, particularly when the child is under 15 years old.
Bad Things Can Happen
When parents start living through their children’s athletic development—bad things can happen. When the child’s failure leads to the parent feeling devastated or angry, the parent’s emotional well-being is too wrapped up in the child’s athletic development.
These are the kind of statements that come out of a parent’s mouth when they are too wrapped up in the child’s success:
- I was so embarrassed when you missed that PK.
- I just hate it when you allow the Pumas to beat you. Your team is so much better than them.
- If you’re not going to try harder, then there’s no reason to send you to North Carolina for soccer camp this summer.
Not Easy Being A Soccer Parent
There are many pressures on your child when they are engaged in competitive soccer. There are the hours of practice and private training sessions. There is the expense of travel to tournaments and maybe a private trainer. There are the hours of you watching them practice and compete. It’s not a surprise many parents get too wrapped up in the whole experience and create more pressure than the child needs to feel.
Timing is important. Competitive soccer players who are 12 years old will respond very differently than players who are 17. Twelve year olds have very different emotional and competitive needs than older adolescents. Parents have to be sensitive to their child’s emotional makeup as well as their stage of physical and psychological development.
Thirteen is a magical age for kids who are going to play competitive sports. Age 13 is a time when a child begins to feel like they can start to make more decisions that will influence their life. Thirteen is also the age when most kids decide they are going to quit playing competitive sports. It is not a surprise that one of the top reasons kids quit playing at 13 is their parents and the undue pressure they have put upon them.
Fun is the Best Tool to Teach a Young Soccer Player
One tool will help a young soccer player withstand the pressures of competition.
One tool will help the young soccer player withstand the pressure of parents.
One tool will help the young soccer player withstand trash talk from other players.
What is that one tool? FUN.
The primary task of the soccer player from 10-13 years is to develop a love of the game and to have FUN. The player is starting to master parts of the game. The technical skills are improving. It is getting FUN to compete with other players.
The tragic results of too much parental pressure are often resentment, burnout and sport dropout.
When the young player is competing in tournaments between the ages of 10-13, the focus should be on gaining experience and having FUN.
This is a challenge for most sports parents but it is the key to helping your child develop a healthy love of the game. Help them have FUN in tournaments and they will love soccer even more.
When both parent and child enjoy the competition, the result will be FUN.
Dr. Wilson is a psychotherapist, performance consultant, soccer coach and soccer parent in El Paso, Texas. He helped design the El Paso model for youth sport parent training as is the keynote speaker on Performance Parenting. He can be reached at PerformanceTalk@aol.com.
