"When Excellence Is The Goal, Everyone Is A Winner!" (Part 4)"

It is an indisputable fact that children are their parents' and nation's most precious asset. It may seem natural to assume, therefore, that the majority of adults mean well for the kids. Yet, how often do we wish something for our child, and then step back and take the time to find out whether this is what the child really wants? More often than not, adults feel they know better, and thus, exclude children from the decision making process. Youth sport, unfortunately, is a prime example of this phenomenon.

In 1987 the Athletic Footwear Association in America sponsored a study of 10,000 students ages 10-18 regarding their feelings about sport. The students reacted to questions such as why they participate, why they quit, and what changes they would make in order to get involved again in a sport they dropped.

The most important finding of the study was that winning, which is the most publicized and pursued goal of sports, never ranked higher than seventh even among the most competitive athletes. "To have fun" and "to improve my skills" were consistently the first two choices why the students chose to play sports. When asked why they dropped from sports three of the first five reasons were "I was not having fun," "coach was a poor teacher," and "too much pressure." How many coaches you know would have predicted this outcome?

Dr. Martha E. Ewing and Dr. Vern Seefeld of the Youth Sports Institute of Michigan State University who conducted the study, and Dr. Steven J. Danish, chairman of the Department of Psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University who added psychological and developmental interpretations proposed the following "truths" about children and sport:

• Fun is pivotal; if it's not 'fun,' young people won't play a sport.
• Skill development is a crucial aspect of fun; it is more important than winning even among the best athletes.
• The most rewarding challenges of sports are those that lead to self-knowledge.
• Intrinsic rewards (self-knowledge that grows out of self-competition) are more important in creating lifetime athletes than are extrinsic rewards (victory or attention from others).

For Coaches

• Become a communicator (a listener and a giver of feedback).
• Recognize the needs of your kids and balance your needs with theirs.
• Develop perspective: remember what you were like at their age and what you could do then; don't judge the kids by what you can do now.
• Remember the "truths" and plan activities with them in mind.
• Seek out workshops and educational programs that teach not only sports-related skills but also communication and interpersonal skills that will help you work with parents and get the most out of your kids.
• Try to work with parents and make them part of the team rather than viewing them as critics to be avoided.

• Remember the "truths" and talk to your children with them in mind. (After a game, ask about "fun," "skill improvement," "learning experiences.")
• See yourself as part of the team and supportive of the coach; avoid setting up a conflict in your child's mind between his or her parents and coaches.
• If you want to affect the coaching, volunteer to help.
• Develop perspective: remember what you could do at your children's ages; don't judge them by what you can do now.
• Develop an understanding of what your child wants from sports--not all children want the same things.
• Determine if he or she wants to be involved at all.