One man was not sure. Why one way? Why not return trip. He stole a book from the aliens. The translation was difficult, but he found the title. "How To Serve Humans." He showed the book to friends. They were delighted. It proved that the aliens were good people, willing to serve humans. The man still had doubts and continued to translate the book. It took a long time. After a few pages he realized that the book was a cookbook! A cookbook showing how to serve humans!

Now if I had been asked to write about how to serve parents, I could do it. In my spare time I teach Asian cooking. So writing about how to serve parents would be easy. If you have a big pot!

Question: What do parents want?
Answer: They want their child to play.

What does that mean?
Smaller squads. Large teams do not give the individual player enough playing time. Parents do not want to watch the rear ends of their children sitting on the bench. This is not a profound statement; it is simply a fact. Parents want to see their children play. If players do not come to practice or certain games, drop them.

It is simple to me. Go to practices; play in the game. Miss practices; get dropped.

Teach players to become part of a whole. The team. (I have skin cancer. The bad is burned out. It does not stay in a system of neglect. It is burned out!) Kids who are not with the program should be told, "you are not part of the program."

Question: What do parents want to know?
Answer: The rules of the game.

I cannot tell you, gentle reader, how many times I have been to games where the parents display their ignorance of the game.
Examples:
· Legal throw-ins.
· Running offside.
· Where the ball is out on the touchline.
· Handball (What is a hand ball?)
· Fouls - allowed contact vs. fouls.
· Shoulder charges.
· Keeper possession

Question: What do parents want to know about the game?
Answer: All kinds of things.
· Systems of play. What is a system of play? What is the difference from one to the other? Where does their kid fit in? One by one?

Question: How to support the team?
Answer: When to yell and what to yell.
· Applaud good pass combinations.
· Cheer for a good shot on goal. (Do not, ever, go "Ooh!")
· Cheer for the team; do not coach individual players! "Kick the ball," "Get him," "Get rid of it," "More!" Whatever.

Question: How else to support?
Answer: Work with the team manager.
· Drive kids to games.
· Bring oranges.
· Bring ice.
· Help at practice when asked.
· Support the coach! That is a big one.
Do not stab him/her in the back.

I really like soccer parents. I find them to be supportive. In my town we have soccer, baseball and football in the same park. My observations: · Baseball parents tend to drop off the players and keep going. Empty stands and full dugouts.

· Football parents smoke too much to be giving good example to their children. The last cigar smokers in the world attend football games. In my opinion.

· Soccer parents gather in the parking lot and talk. About what? I do not have a clue.

Summary:
1. Teach the parents the rules of the game. Assume nothing about knowledge of the game.

2. Teach them a little about team formation. The three lines, etc.

3. Teach them how to support the team during a game, "…a positive atmosphere."

The parents are not aliens, and neither are their children. Do not serve them up for dinner. Be polite, sup with them. Encourage them. Thank them. After all, it is their kids that you are dealing with. A precious cargo.

I want my parents to replace me. I want my players to replace me. I want the game of soccer to carry on.

It will not carry on if we eat the parents. Dine with them; do not have them for dinner!

Alan Maher

Editors note:
Alan Maher was keynote speaker at the National Soccer Coaches Convention (NSCAA) in Cincinnati. You can correspond with Alan Maher by writing to:
Alan Maher
340 Euclid Ave.
Massapequa Park, NY 11762
alanmaher@aol.com