Wait a second! Isn't the title for this article incorrect? Surely I meant to say, "When is Your Child Old Enough to Participate in Youth Sports?" No.1 would like you to seriously consider a question that rarely gets asked: How does the age of your child affect you as a parent watching your son or daughter compete?

How would you react if:

• A soccer player on the other team intentionally tripped your child and he lay on the ground, crying?
• Your child's tennis opponent repeatedly called some good shots from your child "out" when you could clearly see that they had landed "in"?
• You overheard a parent sitting in the stands near you make derogatory remarks about your son like "That boy is such a loser, why do his parents even allow him to play baseball? We keep losing games because of him. "?

Allow Your Child To Compete When You Can Handle The Stress Of Competition

Clearly, the age of your child is important. Most parents can remain calm watching a high-school age athlete play, sports, because they know that the athlete is old enough to handle difficult situations themselves. On the other hand, watching a young child play sports brings out all our natural urges to protect and nurture our offspring.

How do parents react when they feel that their young daughter is threatened? They usually react by intervening, by trying to stop the threat, or by bringing someone's attention to the problem. In other words, they might yell out something to the referee from the sidelines, say something directly to the other child, or even walk on the court and stop the contest temporarily. These are all actions I have seen labeled as "out of control", "crazy", "and immature"; in other words, as those of a parent who is too closely caught up in their child's athletic pursuits. But, in fact, all these actions are perfectly normal.

Too often, the problem in youth sports is not crazy, out-of-control parents, but the fact that we put children in very competitive situations at too young an age. I often get asked, "When will my child be old enough to compete?" I like to ask parents to re-cast the question as: "When will you be comfortable with allowing your child to be tackled, tripped, yelled at, cheated or left out?" All these things can and will happen in competitive sports. They are part of the game.

Things To Consider In Picking A Sport

There are three things parents can do to make their child's introduction to youth sports a positive experience:

1. Don't support programs that encourage lots of competition for youngsters. Look instead for programs that are committed to teaching children skills they can use. It's easy to put together programs that match up teams of children and have them play competitive games against each other, such as in soccer or baseball. It is much harder to take a group of ten-year-olds and teach them how to play soccer or baseball well. Yes, part of the learning should involve playing games. But do the kids really need to keep score to learn?
2. Look for sports activities that your child will enjoy. Parents often tend to put children in what I call the "Big 3" sports (soccer, baseball, basketball) because there are lots of youth programs out there in those sports. But your child might enjoy a less well-known sport such as kayaking, table tennis, archery, judo, or rugby. Yes, you have to search a bit harder to find alternative sports programs. But there are lots of them out there.
3. Consider whether your under-12 child needs to participate in competitive sports at all. What do you hope they get out of playing? Fitness, fun, and perseverance are answers I often hear from parents. Perhaps your child can meet these needs in other ways. How about your family going for long walks or runs together in the early morning or evenings? Why not learn how to bicycle together? Would you take classes with your child in rock climbing, swimming, or rowing? Such family-focused physical activities help children stay fit while having fun, and have the added benefit of giving the whole family an activity they can enjoy and share together

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Shane Murphy, Ph.D. is a sports psychologist in Trumbull, Connecticut and author of The Cheers and Tears: A Healthy Alternative to the Dark Side of Youth Snorts Today. His column will be a regular feature of MomsTeam. Have a question for Shane? You can reach him at shane@momsteam.com.