Why Pleasing Parents Too Much Can be Bad for Your Health by Eleanor Chin

Integrating Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

We see that both intrinsic and extrinsic motivators are critical to wellbeing and successful maturation. Awareness of external influences is important to fitting into society. Awareness of what motivates us internally helps us to choose the activity or path where we are more likely to succeed. This integration of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is the challenge of parenting and living.

So what are parents to do when they want their children to make changes? How can we help them integrate the two types of motivation?

•Remember that it’s a balance of what we see as the goal and finding the path the fits the child.
•Listen, listen, listen. What are they telling you about what motivates them by their excitement? What de-motivates them by their lack of enthusiasm?
•Observe, observe, observe. What does your child enjoy? What are their strengths?
•Help your child to notice these for herself.
•Encourage experimentation and learning from mistakes by viewing the missteps as information, rather than judging them.
Parents are the most influential adults in our children’s lives. We teach them as we are just living our lives—balancing our own social obligations and internal motivators. Make space for your passions and your children will learn to do the same.

From the author: This is a year for change. I believe that changing the world starts with intentional, informed and positive parenting. And I believe that all parents need support to do the hardest job in the world. After all, all we have to do is follow the advice of the immortal Yogi Berra: “When you see a fork in the road, take it.”

Check back next week for another great article….